just-a-girl-in-a-capitalist

I graduated with a master’s in Social-Organizational Psychology a few months ago. From an “ivy league” University. I chose to pursue an experience. I wanted to displace myself from my home country, my family and land at a place like New York City barely knowing anyone and see where that leads me in my journey of self-discovery and understanding. I chose to seek peers to have enlightening conversations. I wanted to work hard and learn from the classes, the professors and also gain and pursue internship opportunities so I could learn to responsibly contribute more to the world. I did. I did all those things. I indulged myself in this privileged (definitely!) way of living and learning. But one thing I did not graduate with was a job offer.

Presently, I am continuing to live in the United States of America as an “immigrant” trying to look for “suitable” jobs. Getting a job supposedly is a result of a series of choices I made not just after graduation but since the day I chose Columbia University to pursue Education and not a more “popular” degree. The best way to get a job apparently is to treat your graduate studies for two years like it is time to look for a job… I did not do that. I treated it like it is a learning opportunity (stupid me!). I did not start looking for the jobs that would give me “visa sponsorship” for the past two years. Instead, I chose opportunities in good organizations to learn the nuances of the Education sector – which were great but temporary. I did not “network” from Day 1 to get that perfect job offer instead I spent time with people I thought were interesting and would push me out of my comfort zone and I spent time understanding and contributing to some parts of the society. I guess all those choices were exactly the wrong ingredients to produce a job offer though.

The pressure of having to find a job to just afford living in New York City and recover my expenses (an ivy league degree was no doubt expensive) sometimes definitely made me feel like I was being naïve and stupid. Maybe. But would I regret any choice I made? Does not having graduated with a job offer define my success? I am sitting here with some debt and thinking… HELL NO!

Honestly, I don’t think I understand the world and myself enough to define myself as someone leaning towards the left or left center or center or right. I don’t know where I stand and I am not even sure I believe in having to define myself in that spectrum. But I do now know that it is a struggle to have to fit into this capitalistic world (so maybe I am not on the extreme Right then :)). Why am I talking about this? Because my whole experience of being a Graduate Student in America has definitely been influenced by the Capitalistic nature of the world today. Beginning with graduate students from the Sciences getting 3 years as their training period but others getting just 1, to the money abundantly being supplied to corporates or major businesses leading to people in non business sectors getting paid as much as 1/3rd of someone with comparable skills! The world has definitely made it difficult for someone like me to want to use my skills, experience, and background outside of Corporates or Businesses.

Somehow, for a while, convinced that I need to get that job that gives me “sponsorship” and a great salary, I put myself to do only that for about 2 months. Day in and day out. I really did. I tried to connect with people on professional networking sites, wrote many emails, tried to meet and learn from experienced people all in the effort of finding a job than just learning. Worst of all, I tried to “open up my options” and applied to various jobs that honestly, I would not care about. And I drove myself to unhappiness and beyond.

But…thanks to some great conversations with friends, insightful books and most importantly, self-reflection over time that helped me see this from a broader perspective and also helped me understand myself in this scenario. I realized I am not someone who wants to get a job because that’s what needs to be done right after graduation. I don’t want to fit into the capitalistic world of giving yourself to an organization for 40 hours of your week in exchange for money and security and license to stay in a country and live my life only for the rest of the time available or on “holidays”. But, I am that someone who is willing to make some of those sacrifices if I know my work is contributing to the betterment of the Education sector instead of my work contributing towards profits in the hands of a (greedy) few.

The madness of capitalism (especially in America) has definitely made it difficult for an average human being to make responsible choices. The problems created for the environment and especially for people from developing countries by clothing brands, by Electronic brands or by the big tampon or Sanitary Napkin brands etc. are horrifying. The non-recyclable wastes contributing to global warming and the inhumane working conditions to drive the cost lower to just name two. Grievously, they have also made it difficult for someone like me to choose the work that I want to do (leave alone the way I want to do it!). Difficult. But not impossible, at least.

I do acknowledge that it is a privilege to want to do a certain kind of work. I don’t have people to take care of or feed. But I am glad that I am using that privilege to want to do a kind of work that can contribute to the lives of many through education (which of course also makes me happy, so no altruism here!) instead of using this privilege to feed into the capitalistic norms of success.

Today I am still applying for jobs. But it is not my sole agenda. I am living and learning. I am learning by traveling inwards and outwards. I am reading more. I am writing. I am following and learning from interesting people through the gift of internet. I am still in debt (of course). But I am working hard to learn. My process of applications has shifted to what I think goes along with my beliefs. I am mentally healthier and happier. I am more positive now that I am aligned with my inner self. Perhaps, I am applying way more than what I did previously – to the places I want to and to the jobs that I would actually love to do and care about.

I am certain I will soon find that interesting job where I would want to invest my time, skills and background. That job will be the result of my pursuit of learning, not my pursuit itself.

That can be a huge difference. A difference that can save one’s soul.